Week 11 Story, Who Really Wins the Lottery
Jitters repeatedly muttered the two-phrase
litany to a cadence in his head that he found himself skipping to down
Washington Avenue. Hoping off the curb, the young man jaywalked to the Catholic
Parish gate on the opposite side of the street.
“Feliz cumpleaños Jimmy,” a small balding
man in a collared shirt called to Jitters as he walked through the narthex
toward the sanctuary.
“Oh, hey Padre,” Jitters responded. “Gracias.”
Jitters had been born Giacomo Jose
Satra. He was the son of an Italian dock worker and a Latina nurse. To his
parents and his priest, he was Jimmy. But to everyone else, he was Jitters.
The story of his nickname had morphed
into multiple stories that ranged from how he approached his dating life to the
way his pupils would dance side to side when he was really, really pissed. The namesake
origin story was a little more poignant, though. As a young boy, he was often
left at home alone at night in his Bronx apartment while his parents both worked
third shift. He had developed a fear of the dark that seized him even in the
company of friends and family. Someone, at some time, had dubbed the boy
Jitters from the way he would tremble as he fell asleep. The name stuck, but no
one was ever brave enough or dumb enough to remind him of where it came from.
Today was Jitters eighteenth
birthday. As of 12:50 PM the maturing boy was now legally a man. Kneeling on
the step below the sanctuary balustrade, he offered prayers and asked for
blessings from his patron saint as he transitioned into the new phase of life. After
a quick succession of hail Mary’s, he bid the priest farewell and headed down
Washington the deli where he worked.
The bells hanging from the
storefront door chimed against each other from the strike of the door pushing
them out of the way. Jitters walked through the doorway and past the meat case.
“Hey Serg! Ring me up twenty dollars’
worth of Powerball numbers, will ya?”
The plump dark-haired
shop owner standing behind the counter quipped, “are you even old enough yet?” Have
you even had your Quinceañera?
“Fuck you, Serg.” Jitters shot back. “Ring’em up! Vamanos.”
Putting on his apron, he joined the older shop owner behind
the counter. Standing beside him, Jitters towered over Serg by a solid foot and
a half. The older man looked up at the formidable youth. Without losing eye
contact, the round man gingerly slid a folded lottery receipt into Jitters
shirt pocket.
“Pick your numbers wisely, you dumb shit,” Serg offered in
a fatherly tone. “By the way, Karlo came by earlier asking about whether you
are interested in working side jobs for his organization. Be careful about where
you find yourself, Jitters,” Serg added. “Remember, no good deed goes
unpunished in that world and shit rolls downhill.”
That following morning, Jitters took his first round for
Karlo collecting cash from various businesses around the borough. The following
evening, Jitters won the lottery.
“Forty-two million dollars?” Karlo gasped. “Jesus, son. You
betta keep working for us or you’re gonna have a hell of a contribution to make
to protect your interests.” The midlevel mobster added, “I’m gonna play you
straight kid, you should have kept this quiet.”
“Look boss, Jitters mustered respectfully, “I’m donating a
large portion of it to the family. I’ve got my parents a nice place down in Florida
to retire to. Why can’t I just make payments for some of the community for a while.
Some of these businesses are barely getting by.”
Within three months, Jitters body was found floating below
the base of a small hill on the Bronx river.
Author’s Note:
The story of Jitters winning the lottery is my own version
of the story of Satrajit and the Syamantaka Jewel. The Bronx represents Dwarka.
Karlo represents the jealous side of Krishna. I stop the story with the death
of the Jitters / Satrajit character, because I wanted to let the story of how
gaining a large gift can lead to ruin.
Bibliography:
C.A. Kincaid, The
Syamantaka Jewel, Shri Krishna of Dwarka and Other Storie, Source
Josh great story! You are a great writer and I even cracked a laugh reading it! I thought it was hilarious how you incorporated Spanish into the story. It added a great element that was used at great comedic times. The ending was great! I feel bad for Jitters. All he wanted to do was be nice but he ended up dying. I felt the ending was a little rushed though.
ReplyDeleteHi Joshua,
ReplyDeleteI love the nickname Jitters, and this story was great! Your writing really gives the whole thing character, which I love. I also really like how this works so well as a standalone story and as an adaptation of an Indian Epics story. The story’s short, (not) sweet, and packs a punch.
Thanks for the tale,
Best,
A.M.
Hey Joshua,
ReplyDeleteGreat story! You take so much care in constructing your stories, and it shows in this story as well. Your word choice is great, and it really sucked me into the story. You did a great job sticking to a theme to keep the story consistent. It was a well-crafted story. Great work, and I hope the semester finishes up nicely.
Hey Joshua,
ReplyDeleteI got to say that your writing style is amazing! I was immediately hooked with all of the characters, and I was already getting attached to them the more I read. It's safe to say that I will not be okay for the next hour as I cry over Jitters! I really like stories where the retelling is similar enough to the source material so I know what the retelling was going after, but still original enough where I feel like its a fresh and new read. You hit both of these preferences on the nose and it made for a wonderful read!
Hey Alex,
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing story. You had me hooked at the first sentence and I really was invested in Jitters. I was genuinely upset when I read the last sentence. It was really cool that you were able to blend the two stories! I am amazed that you were able to come up with such a unique story.